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Subiect: Bancuri (limba engleza) / Jokes

  1. #11
    Data înscrierii
    18.12.2003
    Locație
    Canada
    Posturi
    1.392
    Putere Rep
    28

    Implicit

    The phone rings and the lady of the house answers,
    'Hello.'
    'Mrs Sanders, please.'
    'Speaking.'
    'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly the results are either bad or terrible.'
    'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.
    'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your husband's.'
    'That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.
    'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'
    'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'
    'The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'
    [img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img][img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img][img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]

    When the going gets tough, the tough get going
    Nu stiu ce-nseamna, da'mi place cum suna.

  2. #12
    Data înscrierii
    09.04.2004
    Locație
    Long Island, NY
    Posturi
    1.582
    Putere Rep
    17

    Implicit

    The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

    Yes, she says, 'I remember it well.'

    OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

    Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

    A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

    The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her sk irt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

    The poli

  3. #13
    Data înscrierii
    18.12.2003
    Locație
    Canada
    Posturi
    1.392
    Putere Rep
    28

    Implicit

    One afternoon a little girl excitedly approached her mother, and announced that she had learned where babies come from at school that day. Amused, her mother replied, "Really, sweetie? Why don't you tell me all about it?"

    The little girl explained, "Well... OK... the mommy and daddy take off all of their clothes, and the daddy's thing sort of stands up, and the mommy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and that's where babies come from."

    Her mom shook her head, leaned over to meet her eye to eye, and said, "Oh, honey, that's sweet, but that's not where babies come from. That's where jewelry comes from."


    When the going gets tough, the tough get going
    Nu stiu ce-nseamna, da'mi place cum suna.

  4. #14
    Data înscrierii
    18.12.2003
    Locație
    Canada
    Posturi
    1.392
    Putere Rep
    28

    Implicit

    One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.
    I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.
    Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news, then I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water.
    After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up.
    Then she says, as only a mother would know...
    "Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"
    When the going gets tough, the tough get going
    Nu stiu ce-nseamna, da'mi place cum suna.

  5. #15
    Guest

    Implicit






    Ron was in trouble


    He forgot his wedding anniversary.His wife was really angry.She told him,"tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 less then 6 seconds!! AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"


    The next morning Ron got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enougt there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.


    Confused, the wife put on her robe and run out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.


    Ron has been missing since Friday.Please pray for him.[img]smileys/smiley36.gif[/img]



  6. #16
    Guest

  7. #17
    Data înscrierii
    09.12.2003
    Locație
    Chicago & Constanta
    Posturi
    13.505
    Putere Rep
    10

    Implicit

    Clark29, hai sa nu imprastiem linkurile Youtube pe tot forumul. Pana acum, la bancuri s-au postat bancuri normale. Poti sa deschizi un topic separat pentru poante video daca vrei. [img]smileys/smiley2.gif[/img]

  8. #18
    Guest

    Implicit






    Ai dreptate Sorin,m-a cam luat valul cu Youtube.


    A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Hetries to turn off but, before he Knows it, the bridge is right there and he gets stuck underit. Cars are backed up for miles.


    Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,"Got stuck huh?" The truck driver says,"No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas"

  9. #19
    Data înscrierii
    06.09.2007
    Posturi
    1.162
    Putere Rep
    24

    Implicit


    A buddhist goes to a hot-dog stand, hands 20 bucks to the vendor and says: "Make me one with everything".
    The vendor gives him the hot-dog, but no change for the 20. After waiting for a while, the buddhist asks:"What about the change?".
    The vendor replays:"The change always comes from within".


  10. #20
    Guest

    Implicit






    One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.


    The truck s driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.


    He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.


    Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.


    The blonde started laughing.


    This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.


    This time blonde laughed even harder.


    Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.


    The blonde is now laughing hysterically,so the truck driver asks her what s so funny.


    The blonde giggles and replies,"When you weren t looking,I stepped out of the circle three times!"

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